My Little Cleaver

I have a shaky but determined policy toward cleaning. I begrudgingly devote small pockets of time, throughout the week, to keeping disorder and dirt at bay. The results are a long way short of spotless. I can see how I could spend several hours a day tidying and polishing, but I refuse. The fact being that there is always something better to do. And I mean always.

From time to time, like now, the accumulated dust gets unbearable, and I am obliged to attack. Was it Quentin Crisp who famously said of dust, “After two years, it doesn’t get any worse!”? I admire his tenacious sloth. I am not about to put his claim to the test.

I’ve heard it said that most house dust is particles of human skin. “Unto dust we shall return.”  Maybe so, but I’m not quite ready for that. I’m doing a little spring cleaning this morning, which in my house, means dusting on an industrial scale. Clouds and mountains of it.

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This morning as I pottered around my kitchen rearranging the debris, I noticed several children wandering by, after 9.00am, not looking like they were hurrying to school. First two girls walked by both eating some kind of bright yellow candy. Next a boy cycled by then stopped to untangle his shoelace from his chain. A few minutes later a lone boy ambled by peering around as if looking for some company. I would estimate all of these to be between 12 and 16 years old.

Although it is none of my business, it has piqued my curiosity! I know it is not a holiday because both my children have gone to school. Have they complained to their working parents that they are not feeling well, then when the house has emptied, got up and gone out to look for some fun? That’s what I used to do. Read more »

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Yesterday I woke up feeling like I’d eaten a dairy farm. Industrial amounts of meat, cream and cheese. I felt bloated, sick, lethargic and useless. Clearly the seasonal excesses had finally caught up with me.

I dragged myself out of bed with considerable effort, and went to church. When I got home, I did a tiny bit of tidying up, then went back to bed for 2 hours. When I awoke I resolved to fast for the day, except for non toxic liquids.

I went to the supermarket in the middle of the afternoon to buy fruit, vegetables and salad fixings, juice and water. Included in my purchases was a carton of prune juice. By 7.00pm I had drunk the whole carton. Much of the remaining waking hours was spent on the porcelain throne officiating at a spectacular clear out.

One day later I feel transformed. I think I’ll do another carton today, just to be sure I didn’t miss anything.

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November is quite a month. We in the north bid farewell to autumn and don hats, scarves and gloves to shake hands with old man winter. If we resist at the beginning, by the end we are resigned to the onslaught of Christmas and all that entails. Read more »

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Yesterday I walked to a local store to buy some milk for my morning coffee. Close to my destination, I encountered an elderly, African looking man waiting for a bus. He appeared both dishevelled and disgruntled.

On impulse, I looked him in the eye and said, ‘Hello!’ Instantly his weathered face broke into a beatific grin and he mumbled a reply. I didn’t stop, but continued on my way.

As I walked away from him, I realised that I had behaved as I did, because of his African demeanour. If this sounds racist, I don’t believe it is, unless in a positive way! I spent several summers in Ghana, West Africa, and got used to their way of saying hello. On a daily basis, total strangers would greet me as they walked by, and not just because I was white. There seemed to me to be a tacit understanding there that no opportunity to acknowledge a fellow creature should be allowed to slip by. I never felt threatened or targeted in any way. I just felt included. How different from the city streets of England! Read more »

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Cleaning is an endless task. I know people who have spotless homes, but spend every waking moment keeping them that way. Conversely there are those who always have something better to do, and choose to blithely ignore the absolute squalor surrounding them. I am somewhere in between.

Despite my best intentions, I wind up letting cleaning/tidying up slide until it overwhelms me. Then in a frenzy of remorse and disgust, I thoroughly tidy and clean everything and everywhere, promising myself that henceforth I will stick to a regular cleaning schedule. I may even keep my promise for a while, but generally within a month or so my good intentions are a dim memory. Read more »

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Last night I spent the evening watching the tube. November 13, and already TV ads are working their dreadful sorcery. An endless list of gift options and food and drink items for the feast, now a mere 6 weeks away, are paraded before hapless viewers.

Why does this still affect me? Its not that I want to rush out and buy all this crap, but rather that I feel guilty because I don’t want to. The arch winks and sly grins of a high sheen cast of glamour cats and kittens, would have me give in to their blandishments and START SPENDING MONEY!! Read more »

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Big day! An achievement of sorts, I suppose….avoiding one’s demise this long. What if anything does it signify?

If there was ever any doubt, its now clear I am more than half way. Although in these modern times, 60 is not considered old, it is certainly not young. Despite my best efforts, physical powers are dwindling. Aches and pains are daily companions. The need for spectacles grows steadily. And so on… Read more »

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I am going away for 5 days. As always, the last few days before leaving seem to pass in a frenzy of compiling lists of things to be attended to, and constant re-prioritizing as it becomes clear there is no way everything is even going to get looked at, let alone done. 5 days! Why do I do this? Read more »

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A good nights sleep is a wonderful thing. Last night I had one, the night before I did not. This morning I feel ready for anything. Yesterday I was exhausted, without a drop of creative juice left in me. Read more »

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