whats in a hoody?

sunday am hoodyLast night I listened to my 57 yr old brother, and my 17 yr old daughter, bemoaning the armies of hoody wearing youths who prowl our urban landscape, terrorising the innocent. They even referred to them as ‘hoodies’.

This has to be the last word in senseless, prejudiced generalisation. The hoody is a very practical, affordable, modern garment. Large numbers of teenage boys wear them. Some of these boys find themselves going through an antisocial phase. Duh! Teenage boys have found it hard to stomach society ever since there’s been a society. Does this mean that anyone who wears a hoody should be treated as a dangerous criminal? Most of these ‘disaffected youth’ also wear trousers, have teeth, and sleep with their eyes closed. Are these characteristics we should view with more suspicion?

I have seen middle aged white people on a New York subway, cringe in fear when a group of black school children boarded the train. Was it because they were children, or because they go to school, or because they were black, do you think? This ‘hoody’ nonsense is the same brand of lunacy.

I’d like to see some of our public figures appear in hoodies, as an identifying gesture. Were Gordon Brown, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Prince Philip, and say, Anne Widdecombe to be photographed wearing hoodies and loitering beside a cash machine, wouldn’t this send out a consoling message to all the fraught and concerned citizens trembling in the suburbs?

Or perhaps enforced hoody-wearing could be used as some kind of punishment. I’d like to start at the top. For crimes against humanity, and gross misuse of power, lets begin with Tony Blair, George Bush Jr. and Simon Cowell. I envisage a UN Special Services squad kidnapping all three of them and throwing them out of the back of a van in downtown Lagos, wearing nothing but boxer shorts and a pink hoody.

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